"also, I wanted to chat about Lent"

You should know this about me. I am a really bad Catholic- not that I'm a bad person, I'm just bad at being Catholic. I'm 26, working on my PhD, and I've never been to a school that is not Catholic. Holy double negative. In case that was confusing, I'm on year 22 of Catholic education. I honestly think my mom stuck me in Catholic school because of a promise she made at her wedding- to raise her family with the Church. My father though going to Mass was pointless. In fact, he wouldn't let us go to Mass. I remember going to Mass on the weekend with my mom all of three times before The Day the World Changed (a story for another time), and each time resulted in a disaster when we got home. My Catholic grade school required that all students (K-8) attend mass once a week. My mom made sure I got my God in and made my sacraments.

Grad school makes it really hard to be Catholic, especially in science and engineering. Ironic since my school has been affectionately labelled as "Catholic Disneyland". I never really had trouble reconciling my faith with my passion (science) growing up or through college, but as soon as I entered my PhD program, I was faced with some pretty harsh opinions- mostly that you couldn't be a good scientist and a good Christian. At first, I defended my faith (But we believe in evolution!), but grad school is really, really hard. Like emotionally, physically, and spiritually (see this article on mental health and academia). I found that the only way I could survive was just to let the waves take me. And those waves had a lot to say about Catholicism. I feel like I need to say that for a Catholic, I'm fairly liberal. I by no means agree with every single teaching that exists, but the waves were scraping at the foundations of the faith that I was raised on.

Not to make excuses, but it's really hard to be a Catholic scientist/engineer getting your PhD. There are some people who do it really well. And I admire those people. But I am really bad at it. Some things I wouldn't change- I'm not about to give up on the cohabitation situation or the birth control. However, I could be better. Like, you know, by going to Mass, receiving Communion. Those kind of things. And as we approach this season of reflection, I think Lent is the perfect time to stop caring if the people around me poke fun because I went to Mass and find transubstantiation to be a legit thing.

So yesterday, my dear friend E and I were doing our normal chat routine and she said exactly what I was thinking:

E: also, I wanted to chat about Lent
S: omg can we do this please

Because, you know, we're Catholic. And we get excited to talk about Lent. And help each other during the season. E and I are going to be Mass buddies. Starting tomorrow.  Is it bad that I need a Mass Accountabilabuddy? Probably. But at least I'm trying to make myself better. And if you're wondering, in addition to renewing my vigor in and embracing my Catholicness, I'm giving up coffee. For all of Lent. (Said the girl who drinks at least 3 cups a day).  Lord, help us all.