I'm learning to love my body

I've started a journey to love myself a little more and judge myself a little less harshly. One of the biggest obstacles to loving myself is loving my body. As a child, I was taught to hate my body-- that it was no good. It was shameful. I should be ashamed to be in my own body. I remember him making me take of my clothes and pointing out where all the fat was on my body. Sometimes he took away my food because "you can't be a good gymnast if you are fat like you are now." And for the record, I'm not telling you this for your pity.

I am 230 lbs. I am not telling you this for your judgement. I am telling you this so you can understand. The little girl inside of me looks in the mirror just waiting for someone to point out the fat. I, however, have chosen not to point it out. Step one to loving myself was shutting down his voice saying that I'm too fat to be loved. I'm not too fat to be loved-- I love myself as I am-- all 230 lbs of me.

I was recently asked, "If you love your body as it is, why do work out?" I work out because it makes me feel good. I work out because it makes me feel strong. I work out to stay healthy. If I lose weight in the process of feeling good and strong and healthy, great. If I gain weight, fine. My love for myself is not conditional on my body. If I lost all my hair, I would still love myself. If my face were covered in acne, I would still love myself. My self love is not dependent on a number on the scale or the size on a clothing tag. And yes, you can still celebrate your weight loss even if you love your body as it is now. I will celebrate when I lose 5 lbs. Not because I've lost some of me, but merely because I love myself at 225.

Loving myself is not easy. It is worth it though. And if you aren't quite ready to love yourself all the way right now, let me know. I'll love you through it.