Green

This week is Mental Health Awareness Week. And of course you know, this is a cause that's near and dear to my heart. The problem is, I still don't feel comfortable talking about mental health in public. No one would fault me for breast cancer, but bipolar disorder is a whole nother story. There's those judgey eyes and the "don't leave her alone with the kids" look on faces immediately. Because mental health has a stigma, an icky stigma. And to be bipolar, I must be entirely, out-of-my-mind nuts.

I have come to terms with the judgement from people. People suck, but the bipolar isn't going away. I'm medicated and stable right now. There are times where I won't be stable, but the good news is that any episode I have had has not made me want to harm myself or others. Now I am stable. Most people wouldn't know I was mentally ill unless I told them, and even then, they still might not believe me.

But now I'm applying for jobs like mad. I'm finishing grad school and trying to get out of this place. On to bigger and better things. If you've applied for jobs recently, you may be familiar with the self-disclosure of disability form that most employers are now requiring. It is currently giving me a lot of grief. Bipolar disorder is classified as a disability. I'm registered with the office of disabilities here just in case I need that declaration. My bipolar does not affect my professional life. I've taken two mental health days in my career and that was when I was stupid and didn't want to take my meds. But I never miss deadlines (unless self-imposed and not held to), I show up to work, I do my work, and I get results. Yet on this declaration, I cannot click "no" for fear of people finding out and the idea of lying to a potential employer. The other options are "yes" and "I choose not to answer", which, in my opinion, is pretty much yes. Historically, I go about 50% on which one I choose. But now I think it's time for me to just click "yes." The other option feels like I'm hiding something, and I've got nothing to hide. I'm a member of the green crew. I endure mental illness. I have a disability. But that won't stop me from doing anything.