Green

This week is Mental Health Awareness Week. And of course you know, this is a cause that's near and dear to my heart. The problem is, I still don't feel comfortable talking about mental health in public. No one would fault me for breast cancer, but bipolar disorder is a whole nother story. There's those judgey eyes and the "don't leave her alone with the kids" look on faces immediately. Because mental health has a stigma, an icky stigma. And to be bipolar, I must be entirely, out-of-my-mind nuts.

I have come to terms with the judgement from people. People suck, but the bipolar isn't going away. I'm medicated and stable right now. There are times where I won't be stable, but the good news is that any episode I have had has not made me want to harm myself or others. Now I am stable. Most people wouldn't know I was mentally ill unless I told them, and even then, they still might not believe me.

But now I'm applying for jobs like mad. I'm finishing grad school and trying to get out of this place. On to bigger and better things. If you've applied for jobs recently, you may be familiar with the self-disclosure of disability form that most employers are now requiring. It is currently giving me a lot of grief. Bipolar disorder is classified as a disability. I'm registered with the office of disabilities here just in case I need that declaration. My bipolar does not affect my professional life. I've taken two mental health days in my career and that was when I was stupid and didn't want to take my meds. But I never miss deadlines (unless self-imposed and not held to), I show up to work, I do my work, and I get results. Yet on this declaration, I cannot click "no" for fear of people finding out and the idea of lying to a potential employer. The other options are "yes" and "I choose not to answer", which, in my opinion, is pretty much yes. Historically, I go about 50% on which one I choose. But now I think it's time for me to just click "yes." The other option feels like I'm hiding something, and I've got nothing to hide. I'm a member of the green crew. I endure mental illness. I have a disability. But that won't stop me from doing anything.

I ran. The Whole Time

For those of you who may have read previous entries, you know that I've been working on losing weight and improving my life. For those of you who haven't read previous posts, I'm about three months recommitted to WeightWatchers and things are going alright. About a month ago, I decided to sign up for the Color Run. And then I started up with the Couchto5K app and I put on my running shoes and started training.

To give you a little background, I have had 2 reconstructive surgeries on my right ankle after dislocating it in club soccer in high school. I have a few pins in my ankle, and after the second surgery, my doctor didn't want me to run. The pins are focused in a small area, which creates a "weaked" zone prime for fracturing. I learned this the hard way when I actually did fracture between pins a few months after the second surgery.

Nevertheless, I decided to SLOWLY get back into the habit of running. And my first race was the Color Run. See us before.

Another before picture. Taken on my phone through a plastic bag (to keep my phone safe from the color)

And the after. So much fun. 

See the blue splotch under my nose? Yeah. My boogers are still blue.

And when dosed in color, I cannot make normal faces, but here's a close-up of what my face looked like in the car on the way home.

Even our burrito got into the color run spirit by licking my legs post-race. She's rocking the green in her beard.

That's it. The End. Next race this weekend.